X: Witness ProSextion

The small spacecraft lifted off. Within moments it had exited the atmosphere and could no longer be seen. The shifty and eccentric Johnny Go and his beautiful and psychotic sidekick Dixie Doublestacks stood on the launchpad and stared at the sky where it had been. They each had two shopping bags full of clothes at their feet. They were wearing matching velour sweatsuits with Il Papa and Mother Superior written across the asses. Eventually they accepted that the ship wasn’t coming back, and they looked at one another. 
“Well, wanna go find a bar?” Johnny asked. 
“Yep. I’m gonna need to get good and loaded if I’m gonna live here,” Dixie replied, looking around. She grabbed her shopping bags. 
“We should also look for a place to get new clothes. These things they gave us look like a Tajikistani Boggle champion shoplifted them from a Caldor.” 
“I don’t know,” Dixie said as they started to walk away, “I’m kinda into people thinking I’m the mother superior.” 
“Actually, I have on the mother superior pants,” Johnny said. Dixie attempted to turn around and look at her own ass, but gave up. It was dark, but a large pink moon glowed brightly in the sky and lit their way. They had to admit that the weather was just right. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad here.  
“I guess we should read those papers they gave us at some point, huh?” 
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Let’s find the bar first and settle in, then we’ll read.” 

***

A half hour later they arrived at a busy thoroughfare. Everything was neon and bright. Lanterns lined the street, and hung above the doorways of most buildings. All manner of flashy vehicles blasted up and down the street. The sidewalks were crawling with cartoon characters, many of whom looked much, much too young to be out at such a late hour. Dixie and Johnny stared, wide eyed. 
“Dix, what the hell is this place?” 
“It looks like Tokyo. But sexier.” 
“I feel like we probably should have paid attention when they were telling us where we were going for witness protection. If I’d’ve known it was gonna be like this, I would have been way more excited to come.” They walked a few more blocks before stopping in front of what looked like a ramen shop. 
“Let’s go in this one with the flags,” Dixie said as she peered inside. “It seems mysterious, and the bartender looks like he’ll eat us.” 
“Plus, everyone else looks like they just got done auditioning at Medieval Times. I’m in! Let’s go!” 

***

A short while later, Dixie and Johnny had bellied up to the bar and ordered as many things from both the food and drink menus as they could. Johnny had a bowl of ramen in front of him that was the size of a bathtub, and Dixie had a stack of empty ramen bowls next to her. Together, they had also amassed dozens of intricate carafes, all now empty. They had absolutely no idea what they were drinking, but they were drunk. 
“Hey, didn’t they give us money in that envelope?” Dixie asked. 
“Oh, did they?” Johnny reached for the envelope that was in one of his shopping bags. It contained instructions and information about their cover stories for their time in the witness protection program. “Hey! There is a wad of money in here!” 
Dixie pulled out her envelope, as well. She shoved all of her empty dishes to the side to clear a place at the bar to review the paperwork, knocking over the drink of the guy next to her. 
“Ok, let’s see,” she said, beginning to page through the papers. “Stay in hiding for a period of seven yorbas. How many regular years is that?” 
“Five, I think.” 
“Fuck me, five years?” 
“What else does it say?” 
“Uh,” she paused. Her eyes drooped closed for a few moments. She let out a quiet snore. 
“Dix?” 
“Yeah yeah, I’m reading!” She looked closely at the papers. “Ok, we’re going to be living and working at the Hoku Nan Tou Sai Academy. That sounds like some kind of school.” 
“Ugh, like for kids?” 
“I guess. And in exchange, we’ll be provided with dormitory housing and a small salary of six hundred C’s a month. What’s that in regular money?” 
“I dunno, we’ll figure it out later. We’ll only need the money for booze, so it should be enough. What else does it say?” Johnny put his papers down on the bar and rested his head on them. 
“It says I’m supposed to be the coach for the grade eleven girl’s volleyball team. Which one is volleyball again?” By this time, several other patrons of the bar had heard them loudly reading the details of their witness protection cover identities, and had gathered around. The bartender leaned in to look at Dixie’s paper. 
“Volleyball is the one with slingshots and toilet paper, right?” Johnny asked. 
“Cool! I love that one!” Dixie exclaimed. 
“No!” the man next to her shouted. “Volleyball is the one where you hit the ball over the net with your fists!” He did the motion with his arms. 
“That’s badgemitton,” Dixie replied. 
“Badgemitton? No, that’s not-” the man started to correct her, but she had already moved on. 
“Johnny, give me your papers, let’s see what your job is.” She yanked the papers out from under Johnny’s head, and his face thumped lightly on the bar. “Ok, you’re going to be teaching Classic Japanese Literature to grades ten and eleven.” Johnny lifted his head and looked at her. 
“Why would I teach that? My background is in nautical archeology and salvage.” 
“I’unno. I don’t even know what bolleyball is, so maybe this is one of those joke schools that doesn’t care if the kids learn?” 
“Actually, Hoku Nan Tou Sai Academy is a very prestigious school,” the bartender interjected. “It has quite a long waiting list, and costs a large sum to attend. Graduates often go on to diplomatic posts and seats high up in the government.” 
“So it’s a nerd school? Great.” Dixie shook her head. “Why can’t we get hidden away at one of those cool schools like from that cheerleader movie?” 
“Yeah, or the one from Carrie?” Johnny muttered. 
“Actually, the rumors are that the students who attend are very… adventurous?” The bartender smiled. The man next to Dixie snorted. Another man chimed in. 
“It’s nickname is Futanariyama High. You know that, right?” 
“I’ve heard some stuff about that place that would make your face melt,” the bartender said. With this, Johnny picked his head up and looked at the man. 
“What do you mean?” 
“Oh, nothing. You’ll see.” He laughed. 
“What else does it say, Dix?” She flipped a few more pages. 
“It says my name is Lazzotique Moto.” Turning to the man next to her, she tried this on for size. “Hello there, my name is Lazonica Motto.”  
“That’s not the name you just said.” 
“Huh?” 
“Give me that paper.” Dixie handed the paper over. 
“Lazzotique Moto. Lazzotique sounds a little like exotic, so you could remember it that way. And Moto means ‘origin’ in Japanese.” 
“Exotic Origin!” Dixie shouted! 
“Do mine next,” said Johnny, sitting up again. She shuffled the papers. 
“Your name is Elvis Tsukuru.” 
“Huh. I’m strangely ok with that.” 
“There’s also a whole bunch of other stuff in here about us that we’re supposed to remember and tell people, like where we’re from and stuff.” 
“Eh, I figured I was just gonna wing it like I do with all my aliases.” The man next to Dixie was still reading her documents. 
“So you guys are in witness protection, huh?” the man asked. 
“Yep,” said Dixie. “We got caught up in a thing a few galaxies away and had to dime on some bad guys to wiggle out of it.” 
“Those guys have had it out for us for ages, though, so they said we gotta lay low for a while.” Johnny sat up and grabbed a handful of noodles out of his ramen bowl. “Thaf’s why fwe’re here,” he said, chewing. Another guy at the bar looked over. 
“Aren’t you supposed to not tell anyone that you’re in witness protection?” he asked. Dixie and Johnny shrugged. 
“Meh,” Dixie said. “You don’t know us.” 
“Yeah, but-” 
“Come on, Johnny, let’s go check out the new digs.” With that, they stood up, tossed a wad of cash onto the bar, grabbed their bags, and left. 

***

Dixie and Johnny stood at the gates of the campus of the Hoku Nan Tou Sai Academy. It was dark, but several buildings could be made out in the distance. Johnny pressed a buzzer on the gate. After a moment, a voice called out over the intercom. 
“Can I help you?” 
“Uh, yeah, we’re the uh… What are we?” Johnny looked at Dixie, who was swaying gently back and forth next to him. 
“I’m the bodyball coach!” she yelled. 
“Oh right, and I’m the, uh, new literature guy or whatever.” 
“Tsukuru-san? Moto-san? Is that you?” 
“No. Wait, yeah! Yeah, that’s us!” 
“Wait there, I’ll be right down,” the voice said, before ringing off. Dixie and Johnny leaned against the gate. A moment later, the gate slid open and a small cartoon man was standing before them. He had huge eyes behind triangular shaped glasses. He wore corduroy slacks and a blue and white checkered shirt under a sweater vest, and looked very academic. The man smiled and held out his hands. 
“Welcome welcome!” he said. “I am Shinya Kanai. I am the Sōke here. I was told you would be arriving today, but I wasn’t sure what time, so I waited up. I trust you had a good journey?” He waved them through the gate. 
“Right this way. I’ll show you to your quarters. I’m sure you’re both very tired and want to head straight to bed. Classes begin at nine o’clock sharp tomorrow morning. The Academy serves breakfast to students and faculty beginning at seven thirty. Then we have a brief, all-hands meeting at eight forty-five before everyone starts their day. I’ll introduce you then.” He was walking quickly across the school grounds. Even in the dark, it looked impressive. The lawn was neatly manicured, and the buildings loomed stately on all sides. 
They arrived at a low building with small windows running the length of it. A large double door stood in the center of the building with a lantern hanging above it. All of the windows were dark. The Sōke paused in front of the door. 
“This is our faculty housing. Junior teachers all have rooms here, while tenured professors have small houses elsewhere on the campus. The building across the way is the student dormitories.” He gestured to a larger building across the wide lawn. A few lights were on in the windows. The Sōke continued. 
“This way, and you’ll come to our athletic building, which houses our gymnasium, fitness center, and pool, as well as faculty offices and locker rooms. Behind it are our athletic fields.” He turned and pointed the other direction.
“This way will lead you to our academic buildings, and at the end of this path you’ll find our general assembly hall, where meals are served and all-school meetings are held. Beyond that is our theater.” He opened the dormitory door and motioned for them to follow. 
“I’ll have someone give you a proper tour tomorrow, but if you can’t find something, ask any student or faculty member. This way to your rooms.” At the end of the hallway he reached into his pocket for two keys, and unlocked two doors across the hallway from one another. 
“It matters not which room you choose. They are both identical,” he said, opening one of the doors wide and turning on the light. Inside was a sparse room with tatami mats on the floor. A desk was against one wall, while a rolled up sleeping mat was against the other. A narrow chest of drawers stood next to the bed. To the right of the door was a small washroom with a sink, an open toilet in the floor, and a bathtub on a raised platform. 
“Our accommodations are simple, but I think you’ll be very comfortable here,” the Sōke said. He then crossed the hallway and opened the other door wide. The room was, indeed, identical. Johnny shrugged and entered the first room. Dixie was about to follow, then remembered that she was supposed to have her own room and crossed the hall. The Sōke stood in the hallway and looked from one to the other. 
“If you need anything at all, I am in the main house, just past the theater. You can reach me by phone, as well, my number is programmed on all staff telephones.” He smiled. “I’ll leave you both to get a good night’s rest, then. Sleep well, and I’ll see you first thing in the morning.” He paused for a moment and looked from one to the other. 
“Uh, yeah,” said Johnny. “Sounds great.” 
“Yep. Thanks and stuff,” Dixie said. There was an awkward pause. Dixie and Johnny looked at one another, shrugged, and closed their doors. 

***

Five minutes later, they opened their doors at the exact same time.
“Man, I thought that guy would never leave,” Dixie said walking out of her room and leaving the door open. 
“I know. It was like he was making us go to sleep.” Johnny also left his room. They stood in the hallway and looked around. “So what do you want to do? There’s nothing to do in these rooms, and I already drank the bottle I took from the bar.” 
“I guess there’s no bar at this place?” Dixie mused as they started walking down the hallway toward the door.
“Maybe we can check that place where they serve food. They might have some booze hidden away, right?” Once outside, though, they looked around, confused, and ended up heading toward the athletic building.
“I hope so,” Johnny replied, “Because if they really expect me to be somewhere at nine in the morning, I’m gonna have to just stay up.” They pushed open the door to the athletic center. It was dark inside, and smelled of sweat and chlorine. Dixie shuddered. 
“Ok, where is this kitchen? I can’t see a thing,” Dixie said, annoyed. 
“Hey, look down there,” Johnny replied, pointing toward the end of the hallway. It was completely dark, but a faint strip of light glowed from under the door. “There’s a light on down there.” They headed toward the door, and as they got closer, they heard the sounds of splashing and laughter. When they reached the door, they also heard what sounded like moaning. Intrigued, they pushed the door open. 
Inside was the academy’s large swimming pool, completely filled with naked, sexy cartoon teenagers having one hell of an orgy. Dixie and Johnny looked at one another, stripped off their sweatsuits, and leaped into the pool. 

The next morning...

Dixie and Johnny were passed out in a heap on the floor of one of their dorm rooms. They were both wearing bath towels. A buzzing sound woke them both. 
“Good morning, Academy!” An aggressively cheery voice came over an unseen intercom. “It’s time to start your day! Breakfast is now being served. Please make your way to the general assembly hall!” 

That afternoon...

It was a long day, and by the end of it, Dixie and Johnny were exhausted and confused. They met up after the final bell rang and collapsed in a heap under a tree on the school grounds. 
“I don’t even know what the fuck I did today,” Johnny said, yanking off his shoes. He was wearing clothes that looked awkwardly like the Sōke’s, except he only had a t-shirt on under his sweater vest. Dixie was wearing a tight t-shirt with the school’s mascot on it, extremely short gym shorts and knee high tube socks. She didn’t have shoes on, either, but she had a whistle on a lanyard wrapped around her neck. 
“I know,” Dixie said, leaning back against the tree, “It was like the kids knew what to do, but they still kept asking me stuff.” 
“What’d you do?” 
“Blew the whistle a lot and made ‘em run.” 
“Damn, I wish I had a whistle,” Johnny said. “Mine all just sat there and stared at me, and then a few of the shittier ones kept asking me if we were going to ‘do anything’. What the fuck is wrong with these kids? Who wants to do stuff at school?” They were quiet for a while. Finally Dixie spoke. 
“So, uh… Last night. We didn’t do any weird drugs we don’t remember doing, right?” 
“Oh, you mean on accounta the never-ending orgy in a pool full of sexy teens?” 
“Yep.” 
“Yeah I’m pretty sure it really happened. And some of ‘em were in my class today.” 
“Was that one there?” 
“Which one?” Johnny asked. 
“You know,” Dixie said, looking at him. 
“Oh you mean Dick Nipples? She was there.” 
“Incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day,” Dixie said. 
“Same.” They were quiet for a while. It was a lovely afternoon. 
“So,” Dixie said eventually, “Should we go find a bar?” 
“I’d rather go find another teen orgy, if I’m being totally honest,” Johnny said. 
“Me too. How do we find out about those? I mean, we can’t just rely on stumbling onto them, right?” 
“Yeah, I was thinking about that. Do you think they think we’re sexy enough that they’ll invite us?” Johnny actually looked a little anxious. 
“I’ve been worried about that all day,” Dixie admitted. They were quiet again, thinking. Across the lawn, a group of teens left one of the academic buildings and headed toward them. A girl walking at the front of the group raised her hand and waved to them. 
“Oh my god, that’s some of ‘em!” Johnny whispered, “They’re coming this way!” 
“I think they’re coming to talk to us!” Dixie said, sitting up straighter. The group stopped in front of them. One of the girls spoke. She had her hair tied up in a large bow.  
“Hello, Tsukuru-san. Hello, Moto-san,” she said. 
“Hi,” said Johnny. Dixie nodded. 
“We’re glad that you have come to our school,” another girl, standing beside her, said. A boy behind them took a step forward. 
“We were planning on going to the boardwalk tonight to have some fun, and celebrate a test that we all took today in physics. Would you care to join us?” Dixie and Johnny looked at one another. 
“There’s a boardwalk here?” Dixie asked. “I didn’t think there was an ocean.” 
“There isn’t,” said another boy. “But the town wanted a carnival experience, and so they built a boardwalk with rides and games, and sand underneath.” 
“So, will you come?” 
“Sure,” said Johnny. “What time?” 
“We will eat dinner first,” said the first girl. “Perhaps we could meet you there afterward?” 
“Meet you there?” Dixie asked. 
“We… are not supposed to fraternize with faculty members outside of the Academy,” the boy said. The rest of the group nodded. 
“Gotcha. We’ll meet you there, then.” 
“There is a place we meet,” the second girl said. “Go down the steps by the balloon game. We will be underneath.” With that, the entire group turned as one and walked toward the dorms. One girl in the back looked over her shoulder at them and winked. 
When the group was safely across the lawn, Dixie and Johnny turned to one another and high fived, then jumped to their feet. 
“We’re in!” Dixie said, excitedly. 
“Fuck yeah we are. It’s on. It’s so fucking on!” They started across the lawn towards their dorms.
“We gotta change our clothes,” Dixie said as they walked. 

***

Dixie and Johnny stood at the front gate of the Academy. Dixie was wearing a shirt with sleeves floating a good six inches above her arms, and her skirt was so short that she couldn’t sit down. Johnny had somehow managed to create a mesh shirt, and was wearing it under a long dark trench coat. He had on tight black pants, and motorcycle boots, mostly unlaced.  
“Ok, ready?” Dixie asked. 
“Hell yeah,” said Johnny. “You sure I look ok?” 
“You look good,” Dixie said. Then she paused and looked at him intently. “Actually, you look really different.” 
“I do? How?” 
“Your eyes are way bigger, and your hair looks looks really… solid? Also when you talk, your mouth looks like the shape of a potato chip.” 
“Wait a minute,” Johnny said, “So does yours! You look kinda like a cartoon.” 
“Dude!” Dixie exclaimed. “I think we’re turning into this planet!” True enough, the shifty and eccentric Johnny Go and his beautiful and psychotic sidekick Dixie Doublestacks had started to look distinctly like everyone else on this anime planet. 
“Well, now the teens are sure to fall for us,” said Johnny. “Let’s get to the boardwalk so we can get in on this orgy!” 
“Too bad we have to walk,” Dixie said. 
“I know,” Johnny replied. “Although…” he trailed off and stopped walking. He stood in the middle of the road for a moment, concentrating as hard as he could. Dixie watched in something almost like interest as Johnny started to slowly morph from his new human cartoon shape to that of a motorcycle. The transformation took a little over two minutes, and when he was done, he rolled proudly toward Dixie, and flashed his headlights at her. 
“I fucking knew it!” the Johnny-cycle shouted. “I can morph!” 
“How did you do that?” Dixie asked, excitedly. 
“I’m not sure. I just thought really hard about it and clenched up my ass like I was shitting, and I turned!” Johnny did a few donuts and then rolled to a stop. “You try it.” 
“Ok, let me see,” Dixie said, as she assumed the same position that Johnny had a few minutes earlier. She concentrated. She clenched. She thought really hard about motorcycles. Minutes passed. Nothing happened. 
“I don’t think it’s working,” she said, standing up and looking at the Johnny-cycle. “I did everything you said and nothing happened.” 
“Hmm,” Johnny mused, “Well, maybe we can try again later. I think we need to get to the orgy now, right?” 
“I guess,” Dixie said, sadly. “I really wanted to roll up there like a motorcycle.” 
“Hey, at least you don’t have to walk there now,” Johnny said, sidling up next to her. “Hop on.” 
“Ok,” Dixie said, climbing on, “but when we get back tonight I’m gonna practice. I don’t want to be anyone’s bitch like this. Even yours.” 
“You got it,” Johnny said, and they roared off into the night. 

***

The Johnny-cycle skidded to a stop in the parking area near the Sentokurosu Boardwalk. Dixie jumped off and turned to look at Johnny. 
“I hope you know how to change back,” she said. 
“I’m pretty sure I can, give me a sec.” The Johnny-cycle revved his engines and let out a roar. He shuttered a few times, and then began to change. Within a few minutes, he was back to his human-cartoon form. 
“Dix,” he said, walking over to her, “I think I love it here.” They made their way to the boardwalk. 
The  boardwalk looked much like you would imagine, with bright neon lights, games, and rides. There were food stands and other amusements, and crowds of people lingering at each attraction. Teenagers were everywhere, loitering, causing trouble, and trying to impress one another, as teenagers do. Dixie and Johnny strolled through the crowd. They were practically drooling as the passed group after group of sexy teens, and it was all they could do to continue on to the balloon game and make their way down the steps and under the boardwalk. 
When they finally arrived under the boardwalk, they found their group of students in a circle of lanterns. Music was playing from a boombox, and the teenagers each took a turn in the center of the circle, dancing. When the dancer had completed their time in the center, they walked around the perimeter of the circle, touching each seated person on the head until they selected the one they wanted. Then those two stepped out of the circle and into the shadows. 
As Dixie and Johnny approached, the student they called Dick Nipples entered the circle. They took their seats as she began a slow, seductive dance. She was wearing a long silvery cloak with dramatic sleeves, which was fastened in three buttons running the length of her torso. As she danced, she unbuttoned each of the three buttons in turn, revealing a bare top with perfect teenage breasts, and a very short pleated school uniform skirt. 
On her next rotation, the student noticed Dixie and Johnny and locked eyes with them each in turn. She smiled, and immediately her nipples started to transform into very impressive looking penises. She danced one more turn, and this time when she faced Dixie and Johnny, she also sported a massive erect penis, which was lifting the front of her skirt. From across the circle, another student spoke. 
“Hoshi, it is time for you to choose.” Everyone in the circle sat up a little taller as Hoshi, the student they called Dick Nipples, made her way out of the circle. She walked slowly around the outside, touching each person lightly on the head, until she reached Dixie and Johnny. She stopped, placed a hand on each of their shoulders, and gently turned them to face her. With their eyes bulging comically out of their heads, they stood, and followed Hoshi into the darkness beneath the boardwalk. 

Hours later...

Dixie and Johnny were spent. For the past several hours they had been immersed in the teenage orgy pit of their dreams. They were completely satisfied as they made their way back to the top of the boardwalk. The rest of the teens followed, but still seemed to have an unlimited amount of energy. Ah, youth. 
“I want to eat everything that’s for sale on this boardwalk,” Dixie said as they climbed the steps. 
“I’m not sure my jaw is working anymore,” Johnny said. They reached the top of the stairs and headed straight to the hot dog stand. 
A few moments later, Dixie, Johnny and the whole group of teens, were riding the carousel and eating gigantic hot dogs. As they circled around and around, they became aware of a group of people standing to one side, watching. When the ride finally slowed to a stop, they were face to face with a group of young men and women on motorcycles. They were tough, but handsome, and dressed in black leather. Each person in the gang wore an eyepatch. 
The two groups stared at one another for a long moment before a security guard came over and stood between the groups, waving his baton around. 
“I told you to stay off the boardwalk,” the guard said, pointing the baton at the gang. The leader of the gang, Debiddo, smirked from atop his motorcycle. 
“Come on,” he said to his gang members, “Let’s roll.” They revved their engines and began, one by one, to pull away. Debiddo was the last to leave, and before turning he made eye contact with Hoshi. He nodded, licked his lips, and roared away. There was a moment of quiet as the motorcycles faded into the distance. Then the guard turned to the teens who had just gotten off of the carousel. 
“You too!” he said, “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you kids that you can’t be bringing food on the rides. Now get off the boardwalk!” 
The group slowly made their way to the end of the boardwalk. Johnny walked beside Hoshi, feeding her pieces of cotton candy as they walked. 
“Who were those motorcycle guys?” he asked. 
“They’re a gang,” said Hoshi, “They’re called the Cyclopes.” 
“They just hang around here trying to look cool?” 
“Well, they are cool,” said Hoshi, smiling, “But yes, they are mysterious and many people our age wish very much to join them. They don’t allow just anyone to join, and you must be fully committed if you wish to be part of the gang.” Another girl named Hina fell into step with them. 
“Yes, the rumor is that in order to be part of the gang, you have to have one of your eyes removed. That is why all the gang members wear eye patches,” Hina reached over for some of Johnny’s cotton candy. Dixie, a step ahead with her hand on the ass of another girl, Sara, turned. 
“So the initiation is they scoop out your eye? What’s the point of joining?” 
“Supposedly it is the sexiest gang on this planet,” Hina said. 
“Is that right?” Johnny mused. 
“Yes, lovemaking so intense that it cannot be rivaled. Once you experience it, it is all you want to do for the remainder of your life. Many of our friends have been seduced by this call.” 
“Really?” Dixie asked. “Kids from the academy? Cause you guys seem like you really have just about all you can handle in the intense lovemaking category...” 
“Yes,” said Hoshi, “Several former classmates of ours left the academy and joined the gang. But…” She trailed off. 
“What?” 
“Well,” Sara said, “For a while we saw them with the gang. On the boardwalk and around the city center. But then one day they were gone. No one has seen or heard from them since.” Everyone was quiet for the rest of the walk. At the end of the boardwalk, the teens divided themselves into a series of taxis, and Dixie and Johnny waved goodbye. Once they were gone, Johnny turned to Dixie. 
“Ok look,” he said, “I don’t have the energy for this right now, but I say tomorrow we try to find that gang. If the teens think the fucking is even better… I mean…” 
“Solid plan. Hey, maybe they’d let us in the gang right away since you can turn into a motorcycle. That’s gotta be something they’d be impressed by.” 
“Yeah, I was thinking we could find ‘em and challenge them to a race. Then when we win, we’ll say that what we want in exchange is to be let into their next orgy.” They high fived, and Johnny began the process of changing himself back into a motorcycle. Moments later they were on their way to the academy. 

***

As it turned out, Dixie and Johnny didn’t make it back to the boardwalk for the rest of the week. The demands of working life, something they were completely unfamiliar with, got in the way. And while they weren’t particularly interested in maintaining their cover identities, something about their new cartoon personas made them feel a certain reverence toward their positions at the academy.
They did manage to sneak in a quick romp with a small group of thespians in the orchestra pit, Johnny spent some quality time with Hoshi and a boy named Daichi in the periodicals section of the library, and Dixie had an invigorating shower in the locker room with some girls she kept after volleyball practice. Otherwise, they worked just like any other faculty member, and by Friday afternoon they were ready to cut loose. 
They were sitting under their regular tree on the grounds near the dormitories with a stack of leftover bento boxes from that day’s lunch when their usual group of students approached. 
“Tsukuru-san, Moto-san,” Hina said, “Thank you for a good week.” 
“Sure thing,” Johnny said, shoveling rice into his mouth, “What are you all planning this weekend? Anything exciting?” Johnny was more than happy to play the game. From the back of the group, Hoshi smiled. 
“We are going to have dinner at the Gyudon-ya and then we are going to the movies,” Sara said. 
“After that, we may visit the boardwalk,” Hoshi added. 
“Sounds great,” said Dixie, selecting a piece of breaded pork from her bento box. “We might hit the boards, too, so maybe we’ll see you there.” All of the students smiled and nodded before turning and walking away. Dixie turned to Johnny. 
“They didn’t invite us to the movies. You don’t think they’re just using us for our sexual prowess, do you? Like they only want us around for the fucking?” 
“I mean, I only want to be around for the fucking,” Johnny said. 
“Well, me too, but I’d still be insulted.” 
“Yeah, same, but actually I think they’re letting us get a head start on the Cyclopes tonight.” 
“Huh?” 
“The other day in the library, I mentioned to Hoshi that we were thinking about trying to infiltrate the ‘Clopes. I mean, I didn’t tell her why, exactly, but she got really excited and asked me if we did, could we find her friend Ryoko, who went off with the gang about six months ago and hasn’t been seen since. I said yeah we’d try.” 
“That’s really nice of you, Johnny,” Dixie said. 
“I know, it’s weird, right? First we turn into cartoons, then we start doing nice shit. We have jobs! What’s next?” 
“Well, the way you’re making eyes at Hoshi, I’m starting to think you’re gonna end up settling down soon.” 
“Dix, don’t be ridiculous.” 

***

A few hours later, Dixie and Johnny arrived at the boardwalk to find a much larger crowd than the last time. A concert was being performed on a stage set up at one end. The band played a bizarre mix of traditional music from that planet, and hits from 1980s America. The two stood listening, amused, before Dixie noticed the saxophone player in the band. He looked like a cartoon robot-human hybrid, and was clad in chain mail and spandex. He wore more makeup than any of the girls in the crowd. He stepped to the front of the stage for his solo, passionately humping his sax as he played. The crowd went wild. Dixie was transfixed. 
“Well, should we go look for the ‘Clopes?” Johnny asked. When Dixie didn’t respond, he elbowed her. 
“Huh? Yeah, sure, as soon as this song is over…” Johnny sighed. A moment later, a hand tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, ready for anything. It was Hoshi. 
“Hello, Tsukuru-san,” she said, sweetly. 
“I thought you were at the movies with the others?” 
“I decided I would rather help you find Ryoko.” 
“Oh, well, I guess you can come along. We were just about to leave.” Johnny elbowed Dixie again. She didn’t respond. 
“I also wanted to see you without the others.” She reached out and took Johnny’s hand. He blinked, then turned to Dixie. 
“Dix, I gotta go. I’ll meet you back up here in like, four hours.” 
“That’s fine,” Dixie said, waving him away. “I’m gonna go backstage and fuck this gundam anyway.” 

Many, many hours later…

Dixie crawled out of the back of a panel van in the boardwalk parking lot. The van slumped to one side, it’s suspension shot from the sheer force of what had just gone on inside. She left the door open, and a slightly mangled saxophone could be seen hanging out of the back of a van, along with the arm of the musician. He reached his hand out to her, as if trying to pull her back, but she kept walking and made her way toward the boardwalk. It was deserted save for one lone bubble tea stand. Dixie stopped and bought a drink, then began walking toward the steps. She stopped when she spotted two figures on the now dark carousel. It was Johnny and Hoshi. 
“Hey guys,” Dixie said, as she approached. Both Johnny and Hoshi were only partially clothed. They looked up and smiled. 
“Hey Dix,” Johnny said, “Good night?” 
“I’ll say. You?” Johnny pointed at Hoshi’s unusual nipples protruding under her shirt. 
“You know it,” she said. Hoshi smiled and reached out to take Dixie’s hand. She rested it on her breast. Dixie’s eyes crossed, but she recovered. 
“Moto-san, would you like to see my favorite animal on the carousel?” Hoshi asked. 
“Do it, Dix,” Johnny said. “I’ll just, uh… take a breather…” Dixie nodded, handing Johnny her drink, and followed Hoshi to the opposite side of the carousel. Johnny collapsed on the ground and was asleep within seconds. 
When Dixie woke Johnny several hours later, the boardwalk was completely empty and dark, and Hoshi was gone. She helped him to his feet. 
“So, uh, I guess we forgot to find the Cyclopes,” Dixie said. 
“Well, you can’t blame us. More important shit came up.” 
“Did it ever.” 
“We’ll try again later.” There was a long pause before Johnny spoke again. “Dix, I’m exhausted.” 
“Oh god, me too,” she said. “It’s like I can’t keep up with these teens, but I can’t say no to them either. Can you die from sex-exhaustion?” 
“I don’t know, but I feel like if we keep this up, we’re gonna find out.” 

One week later...

Dixie and Johnny arrived at the boardwalk once again. Dixie hopped off the Johnny-cycle and waited for it to turn back into her friend. Once Johnny had transformed, they made their way up the boardwalk, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Cyclopes. They had walked the length of the boardwalk twice, eaten three hot dogs each, and tried to win at the balloon game before they finally spotted the gang on the sandy “beach” below. 
“Ok, this is it,” Johnny said. “I’m gonna change back into a motorcycle, you climb on, and we’ll roll up and challenge them to a race.” 
“Are you sure you can win?” 
“I totally can’t win. But I’m pretty sure they’ll respect us for trying. After that, they hopefully invite us to their lair.” This seemed reasonable to Dixie, so she waited for Johnny to turn back into a motorcycle and climbed aboard. A few minutes later, they rolled up to the ‘Clopes. Dixie climbed off the Johnny-cycle and stood to the side as he changed back into a person. They stared at the gang for a tense moment before the leader finally spoke. 
“Name’s Debbido,” he said, then gestured to the others behind him, “Poru, Doein, Maruko.” The others gave slight nods. 
“Elvis,” Johnny said, pointing at himself. 
“La… Dixie,” Dixie said. “LaDixie, nice to meet you.” There was another tense pause before Debbido revved the engine on his motorcycle. 
“You know where Hadosonburafu is? The overlook?” he asked. 
“Yeah,” said Johnny. Dixie shot him a look. 
“You don’t have to beat me,” Debbido said, rolling the bike forward. “Just try to keep up.” The others got back onto their bikes as Johnny quickly turned himself into a motorcycle. Just as Dixie climbed on, the rest of the gang roared away. 
“You have no idea where that place is,” Dixie yelled as they raced to keep up with the gang. 
“Doesn’t matter,” the Johnny-cycle called up to her, “there’s no way we’re gonna get there first.” 
The race continued with Dixie and the Johnny-cycle barely keeping up. Most of the race was uphill, which didn’t help them with their speed. When they finally neared the top and the ground leveled out, they realized that they were heading toward a cliff. 
“I wonder if we can die now that we’re cartoon characters?” Dixie mused. 
“Let’s not test it out,” Johnny said. As they blasted toward the edge, the other gang members slowed until they were all abreast, heading toward the cliff. It would be a game of chicken to see who could get closest to the edge. 
The winner was the Johnny-cycle. Dixie hopped off, and rocking back off the edge, he turned back into a person. Debiddo stepped up and shook hands with both of them, then led the group down a steep path in the cliff until they reached a cave below. 

***

“Sweet vanishing gas maggots,” Dixie whispered as they entered the cave. The space was massive, and lit moodily by various lanterns. At first glance it looked more like the entrance to a grand hotel, but on closer inspection it was much more enticing. 
The space was divided into sections, each with a different theme, and clearly designed to cater to any sexual whim that might be present in the group. The center of the room contained a mountain of pillows and cushions, a standard orgy space. One corner looked like a traditional dungeon, with various whips and chains. Another area contained a gigantic tub that looked like a Chinese takeout container; it was filled with worms. There was a Santa’s workshop fantasy corner, and an open room that looked like a fast food restaurant’s kitchen. A mannequin dressed as Colonel Sanders watched over the space.  Dixie and Johnny stared in awe. 
“Back in the day, there used to be a huge love hotel just above us on the cliff,” Debiddo said, walking toward the pile of pillows and flopping down. “Nothing but themed sex rooms at hourly rates. It was all the rage. But around the turn of the century, we had this whole era of sexual repression going on, and the city fathers insisted that the hotel be closed.
“The owners refused to close the place, and an epic battle between the pervs and the prudes followed. Unfortunately, the prudes won. The place sat abandoned on the cliff until about three years ago, when the city started talking about tearing it down and building a conference center. We’d already been exploring the caves all along these cliffs, and decided to preserve a little piece of local history.” 
“Well, you’ve really done a great job with the place,” Johnny said, walking over to the fast food simulation and running his hand over the stainless steel prep counter. Dixie, meanwhile, was testing out some of the whips. Johnny turned back to Debiddo. “And you guys party in here every night?” 
“Nothing else to do in this town,” Debiddo said, smiling, “Besides, a voracious sexual appetite keeps one young.” With that, he clapped his hands. A boombox began playing loud, trance-like music, and from a chamber at the rear of the cave, a harem of sexy teenagers of all shapes, sizes, colors, and gender identities filed into the main room, including:
“Hoshi?” Johnny exclaimed. There among the teens stood their muse. She smiled sweetly at them and placed her finger to her lips. Dixie and Johnny looked at one another, but didn’t have much time to think about it. The harem descended on Dixie, Johnny, and the ‘Clopes a moment later and they were off to the proverbial races. 

***

Hours later, Dixie and Johnny dozed, naked in a pile of pillows and teens. All was quiet in the cave and some of the lights had gone out. The ‘Clopes were nowhere to be seen. Suddenly a loud shriek came from the back chambers of the cave. Johnny sat upright, swinging his arms. Dixie blinked. None of the sexy sleeping teens stirred. 
“What the fuck was that?” Dixie asked, quietly. 
“I don’t know,” Johnny said, “But I think we should find out.” They stood. Dixie wrapped herself in a shawl that was lying near her. Johnny zipped himself into the cover of one of the pillows. They crept toward the rear of the cave as a second howl filled the air. 
“Why do we care so much about other people all of a sudden?” 
“It’s weird, right?” Dixie said in a whisper. “Do you think it’s this planet, or are we just getting old?”
“Hard to tell. I mean, ever since we got here, all I want to do is fuck everything that moves, but I also actually care about everything I’m fucking.” 
“Is that an old person thing?” They entered a type of tunnel, and as they rounded the bend they could see a light from a chamber. They tiptoed carefully to the entrance and peered inside. 
The room was set up like a medical facility, with an exam table, positionable lights, and all manner of equipment. The ‘Clopes surrounded a young sexy teen who was strapped down on the table and was hovering toward unconsciousness. She wore nothing but an eyepatch, and so had obviously already been initiated into the gang. They had inserted several needles into her arms and legs, from which tubes were running to your standard fluid collection bags. The bags were slowly filling up with a pale blue substance. Dixie and Johnny watched as the color faded from the teen’s skin and she appeared to shrink before their eyes. Sensing he was being watched, Debiddo turned. 
“Normally we would have to kill you for seeing this, but after your performance tonight, we were going to invite you to join the Cyclopes anyway.” He stepped over to them and pushed them toward the exam table. 
“I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that the kids here have something special.” 
“Well, they’re horny as hell,” Johnny said. 
“Yeah, but that’s just teens in general,” Debiddo said. “These kids have something more, and we finally figured out what it is.” He unhooked one of the tubes from the girl’s arm and held it up to the light. 
“This, my new friends, is the secret to eternal youth.” He smiled and placed the tube to his lips like a straw. “One sip and you feel alive with an energy unknown in your lifetime. Drink this whole bag? You’ll look like you did your prime. And with a constant supply you can live forever.” He took a sip and sighed. 
“So what exactly is it?” Dixie asked. 
“Officially it’s known as Teenage Sex Juice, or TSJ, but basically it’s their essence. The very lifeforce of their beings.” He took another sip. By this time, the other members of the ‘Clopes had removed the tubes and were also starting to drink. 
“So is she…?” Johnny asked. 
“Dead? Yes. While it’s theoretically possible to leave enough TSJ in them to keep them alive, it doesn’t satisfy our needs and it leaves them sort of, defeated. They’re useless to us afterward.” 
“What do you mean?” Dixie asked. 
“Well, they lose their sex drive, so what’s the point in keeping them around? Plus, they’re a risk to us then because they know our secret.” 
“What are you going to do with her, then?” Johnny asked. 
“We’ll dispose of her. No one will find her body. She joined us a few months ago, so the shame she had brought to her family is already significant enough that they’ve stopped looking for her.” 
“But what about the others? Won’t they ask where she went?” 
“They’re too horny to care,” Debiddo replied. “All they want once they join us is wild sex and as long as we’re providing, they don’t ask any questions. The more sex they have, the more TSJ their bodies produce. And as long as we can periodically harvest the TSJ, we can keep up with the sex, so it’s a perfect little ecosystem that we’ve created.” He smiled. 
“Now I know you’re dying to get a taste, but we can’t let you do that until you’ve been formally initiated. I think we have time to get that done tonight. What do you say?” Dixie and Johnny looked at one another. They nodded slowly. 
“Ok,” Johnny said, slowly. “We’ll join.” 
“We were starting to feel old from fucking these teens so much, anyway, so I think a shot at eternal youth is just what the doctor ordered.” Dixie smiled. 
“Great!” Debiddo declared. “Let’s get whatshername out of here and we’ll use the same table for your bionic eye insertion.” 
“The what?” Johnny asked. As the other ‘Clopes began lifting the teen off the table, Debiddo turned to face Dixie and Johnny, and slowly lifted his eye patch. Beneath it, his eye looked essentially normal, if not a little bloodshot and permanently stunned. But around the eye was a thin mechanical-looking ring embedded in the skin. It had a small string of lights inside the ring that pulsed softly. 
“This ring is implanted in the skin around your eye. It has intelligent microscopic roots that’ll eventually work their way into your brain. Once that connection happens, you can control the display just by thinking.”
“What’s the display show?” 
“The approximate levels of TSJ in everyone you look at, plus a few other helpful metrics.” 
“How come you wear the patch then?” Dixie asked. 
“It functions a little better in the dark,” Debiddo said. “Plus, it’s easier to move among the norms when you wear the patch.” The other ‘Clopes returned. 
“So, you ready? Who’s first?” 
“I’ll go,” Johnny said. He turned to Dixie. “I hope that’s ok? I’m really excited to join and I just don’t think I can wait any longer for my bionic eye.” Then, he leaned in close to Dixie and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Take Hoshi and get out of here. Get back to the academy and wait for me. I’ll get there as soon as I can.” Dixie nodded and looked at the group. 
“I’ll go wait in the main room, maybe have a snack. Call me when you’re ready for me, ok?” The others barely heard her as they helped Johnny Go onto the exam table. Dixie quickly left the room. 

***

Back at the Hoku Nan Tou Sai Academy, Dixie and Hoshi waited in Johnny Go’s dorm room. They were both nervous and paced the room. 
“Why can’t you tell me what happened?” Hoshi asked. “Did you find Ryoko?” 
“Hoshi, I want to wait for Johnny to get back before we tell you what we found out. I think we should tell all your friends at once.” 
“Johnny?” 
“Oh you know. Elvis. Tsukru-san. Whatever the fuck his name is.” 
“Fine,” Hoshi said. They resumed pacing. Time crept by slowly. Minutes seemed like hours. Dixie got tired and laid down on Johnny’s sleeping mat. 
Finally, the door opened and Johnny Go walked in. Dixie jumped to her feet, and Hoshi rushed to him and threw her arms around his neck. He wore a new eyepatch, which he reached up and removed. His left eye was swollen and red, and blood oozed from around the bionic ring. 
“Tsukuru-san,” Hoshi said, “Are you ok?” 
“What happened?” Dixie demanded. “How did you get away?” Johnny gently pushed Hoshi away and made his way to the sleeping mat, where he sat down with a thump. 
“They did the procedure, as you can see,” he said. “And when it was done, I made a big show of looking at the clock. I insisted that we needed to leave because class would be starting soon.” 
“They bought that?” Dixie asked. 
“No, not at all. But I said that it would cause too much attention at the academy if we just disappeared, and that it would be best for you and I to go and quit. I said it was the honorable thing to do.” 
“And then they bought it?” 
“Well, I sorta woke up some of the teens on my way out as a distraction.” 
“Tsukuru-san,” Hoshi said, “What happened? Did you find Ryoko?” 
“Hoshi,” Johnny said. “Go get the others. We’ll meet at that tree out on the lawn. You all need to hear this.” Obediently, Hoshi left the room. Johnny turned to Dixie. 
“Dix, for a number of reasons, I think we have to get off this planet.” 

***

Out on the lawn, Johnny wore the eyepatch again as he leaned against the tree. Dixie sat beside him. From across the lawn, their usual group of teens emerged from the student dorms and made their way over to the tree. When they arrived, Johnny gestured for them to sit. They did. 
“Last night, we infiltrated the Cyclopes secret sex lair,” Johnny said.
“Were our friends there?” one student asked. 
“Was Sakura there?” asked another. 
“What about Koji?” 
“They’re all dead,” Dixie said bluntly. The students were silent for a moment. 
“And if they’re not, they will be soon,” said Johnny. 
“How do you know?” a student asked, defensively. 
“Well, the leader basically told us that’s what they’re doing.” 
“And we watched them kill one.” 
“You didn’t do anything to stop them?” 
“Oh,” said Johnny quickly, “She was mostly gone by the time we got there.” There was another long silence and all of the students hung their heads sadly. Some of them hugged each other and wiped tears from their eyes. Finally, another student spoke. 
“So what happened? What are they doing to the people who join the gang?” 
“They want your TSJ,” Johnny said. 
“Our T.. S… J…?” 
“Your teenage sex juice,” Dixie said. “Basically, the stuff inside you guys that makes you so fucking sexy and infinitely horny. They want that because it makes them young.” 
“Right, so they lure you into the gang with... Probably the hottest, most mind blowingly intense orgies I’ve ever been a part of, and then you’re hooked.” Johnny looked at the group. “And I get it. I mean, this was some next level shit they’re getting up to in there. This one room has all these-” 
“Johnny,” Dixie said. 
“Sorry. Anyway, when they decide to invite you to join the gang, you go through an initiation where they give you this bionic sex eye thing,” he lifted the eyepatch and the group gasped. “I’m still not totally sure what all this does, but this is what’s under the eyepatches.” 
“Then, when they start to run low on TSJ, they pick someone from the harem, knock them out, and drain their whole lifeforce.” 
“And that kills them?” a student asked. 
“Yep. And they’ve been chucking the bodies off the cliff,” Johnny added. The group gasped again. 
“So what should we do?” 
“Should we go to the police?” another student asked. 
“Eh, that’ll keep them from coming after us here at the school,” Johnny said, “So yeah, I guess do that. But probably the best way to stay safe here is to…” He trailed off. 
“What? What should we do?” 
“You guys are gonna have to… have less super hot teen sex,” Dixie said. She sighed and hung her head. The group looked stunned. 
“It’s the only way they’ll stop targeting you.” They sat with that thought in silence for a long time. Eventually, one student spoke. 
“I do not wish for any of our other friends to be victims. If not having pool parties, sleepovers, and group showers is what it takes, then I’ll do it.” 
“Me too!” said another student. The rest murmured in agreement. 
“Thank you, Moto-san, Tsukuru-san. You have given our community a gift.” 
“Yeah,” muttered Johnny, “Turned you all into a bunch of prudes.” With that, the group stood as one and turned to leave. Johnny looked up.
“Hoshi, can you stay here a minute?” he asked. She smiled and turned back toward them. When the group was out of earshot, Dixie looked at her. 
“Hoshi, I think you probably guessed that we’re going to be leaving the academy now,” she began. Hoshi looked crestfallen. 
“It’s not because of you or any of the students, not really,” Johnny lied. 
“We just feel that it’s time for us to move on.” 
“I understand,” Hoshi said, tears filling her eyes. 
“We wanted to see if you would come with us,” Johnny said quickly. 
“We’re going to be leaving the planet,” Dixie said, “Probably leaving this whole solar system.” 
“So you’d be safe,” Johnny said. 
“What do you think?” Dixie asked, hopefully. She was staring at Hoshi’s short school uniform skirt. 
“Tsukuru-san,” Hoshi said, “Moto-san. You flatter me. I have very much enjoyed my time with you, and found your instruction to be very valuable - both in school and outside of school.” She smirked. Dixie and Johnny actually blushed. 
“But my home is here,” Hoshi said. “My friends are here, and my education is very important to me. I hope to someday become an ambassador, and I will only achieve this if I complete my schooling and earn top marks.” 
“That’s really admirable, Hoshi,” Johnny said. 
“Yeah, I guess,” said Dixie. 
“I guess this is it, then,” Hoshi said, reaching out her hands, clasping each in turn. Then she blew them seductive kisses, walked across the lawn toward the dorms, and was gone. 
“Damn,” Dixie said. “She totally rejected us.” 
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Johnny said, getting to his feet and helping Dixie up. 
“How so?” 
“Having a teenage sex pet seems like a lot of work, you know?” 
“Yeah, you’re right,” Dixie said. 
“And you know how hard it is to keep other things alive.” They made their way toward the main gate of the academy as the first bell of the morning sounded.