Goldfish Martini

• 2 1/2 ounces gin or vodka

• 1/2 ounce dry vermouth

• Ice

• One live goldfish for garnish*

Combine gin or vodka and vermouth in a cocktail shaker Add ice and stir gently (don’t fucking shake it, you rube) then strain into a chilled Martini glass. Garnish with the goldfish and serve.

*You can substitute goldfish crackers for the live goldfish, as long as you don’t mind a mouthful of soggy fake cheddar and everyone talking about how unsophisticated you are.

Please drink responsibly, and don’t consume alcohol if you’re under the legal age of whatever country or planetary region you find yourself in.